Serenity

Those who know me or have been following me for a while are aware of the fact that I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs the last couple of years, dealing with anxiety, depression and panic attacks. I’ve always been open about my mental health because I don’t want anyone to suffer alone in silence, something that brought me one of the most beautiful people I know into my life. But when a big chapter in my life came to an end in April this year I hit another low and started struggling with panic attacks and anxiety again. I reached a point where I had to make a decision on how I wanted to live my life and really think about what I want for my future.

Ever since I was 15 years old I’ve wanted to study abroad, to just pack my bags and move somewhere completely foreign to me and have my own personal adventure. This dream was always postponed and put on hold due to comfort, fear and living for other people and putting their needs ahead of my own. One of the most important lessons I had to learn the hard way was that you should never live in the shadow of someone else, for you alone can shine just as bright by yourself. Stockholm became a painful place for me to live in. What had been my home for 25 years didn’t feel like home anymore and wherever I went I was struck by painful memories and an immense feeling of sadness. The irresistible urge to run away was the push I needed to make the decision; I had to leave this place.

As time went on, however, I spent more energy trying to deal with my demons and distancing myself from negativity and toxic thoughts and not dwell on the past. Through this my world opened up to people who give me nothing but strength, love and endless support. I made my peace with the fact that yes, pain and loss is inevitable. But fighting the natural course of life only brings more sorrow, and I gained an inner peace and acceptance of the things you can’t change. My mind opened up to a new way of living and how I see the world, and it’s such a beautiful thing that you would be a fool to not appreciate what you actually have around you. Through darkness I found myself and through solitude I grew even stronger.

And that my friends, is what I want this blog to be about. The appreciation of life, this wonderful city and all the things I want to do here before I start my new chapter half across the world. I want to make the most of the time I have left here and tell you about all the things I love and will miss about this beautiful place, for we have so many things to be grateful for that we take for granted on a daily basis. It’s only now that I’m leaving that I can see just how lucky I am to have gone through heaven and hell in this amazing city.

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