I wish it was as simple as that, I have a body. It belongs to me and I have the right to feel proud of my strenght which comes from years of hard training and eating a lot of food. But it’s not that simple.
Since I was 15 years old and started to get female curves and grow into my body, I have always felt like an object. That people can’t see more than a big bum or big breats. That I have a Bachelor in social work and a Master in Human rights and spent many years working abroad helping refugees and children in need, that doesn’t matter. Cause the only thing I seem to be is big breasts and a bum. That I am a kind person who always try to help people around me doesn’t matter eather. Cause once again I am a body.
A few years back I started with yoga and meditation and quite fast I started to understand that I am NOT a body, I HAVE one. I started to realize how all those years of being objectified due to my genetics and the way Iook had impacted me very deeply and created something I would like to call, self-hate.
I used to try to hide my breasts and my bum in loose clothes, I tried to take as little space as possible, almost make myself invisible. But it still wasn’t good enough for people, I got comments about my training, my body and that it wasn’t ok to look the way I look. I’ve heard comments from friends and family about me working out too much, etaing too much, eating too less, working out too little. It doesn’t seem to matter how I look, how much I workout or not and how much or little I eat, people wants to judge me anyway.
But one day I decided to stop trying to make other people satisfied with my body and I stopped hiding. I started to feel proud of my body and all the things it can do even though I live with a severe condition of scoliosis and suffer from daily pain. I decided to not let anyone objectify me again by taking control over my body and make myself a subject, a person, a woman with a body.
Every day I get messages from girls and other women that they get inspired by my dancing, yoga, my physique, how I handle to live with both scoliosis and migraine and still be happy and grateful. This is fantastic, that some of us females can see behind the surface and understand all the work behind. That some of us understand how much it takes to love your own skin and body. It doesn’t happen over a night, beleive me. I still struggle with thoughts of not being good enough, being to skinny, or having to much curves, have too much cellulites… But then I remind myself, I am so much more than just a body.
I used to be one of those girls, judging other girls for their looks, luckely I am past that and I am concious about that whenever I think negativly about another woman, 99 % of the cases, it’s just my own insecurity and jelousy creating those thoughts. And when you start being concious about the source of your thoughts, you can decide if you wanna keep being jelous and judging or if you wanna be inspired by their hard work and transform this into motivation and actually understand that there is a human behind every body. It’s NOT just a body.
I am a woman, I am NOT a body, but I do have one and I am damn proud of the outer and inner journey we have done. It’s not an easy thing being a woman, so let us not make it more difficult through judging each other so hard when we should support each other and become stronger together.