Interested in having a mental breakdown in a foreign country and just flipping out on everything and everyone? Nah I guessed you wouldn’t. But if you for some wierd reason would like to try it out for the adrenaline kick, here’s a little 10 day check list how to get there. No need of thanking me for trying out the strategy myself.
1. Make sure to miss spell your own name when struggeling with the E-Visa application to India, this will for sure add some extra stress and work and get you a good start towards that breakdown, even though we still have a long way to go.
2. Print out the wrong visa document so that you have to run around the airport desperately trying to find someone kind enough to help you print the correct document. Add some time ticking, you won’t get on your next flight without this document and you need to get to your gate for boarding.
3.You made it so far, you will soon arrive in India, you might think you can relax now. But no, first you have to discuss with several officers at the Delhi airport to even get out of their. Then starts the struggle to get a taxi for a descent price that is not 10 times higher just because you are a tourist.
4. Great you found a car and you are now on your way to the hotel to finally get some sleep. The driver by the way assured you he knows the hotel and address, good for you. Less good for you is that the driver is a total idiot who truly can’t follow directions from the 20 different people you stopped so far to ask. Eventually he just droppes you of in a random slum area where you have no idea of where you are, also he wants more money and are being incredibly rude when you refuse to pay more than was already agreed on.
5. You manage to find your way to a tourist information just to be informed that the hotel you booked has the exact same name as another hotel only difference is that the one you booked is in another area/city. Lovely.
6. Your friend you were supposed to meet at the hotel (the one with same name that we didn’t book) come and pick you up at the tourist info place. Now you can relax you think. But no. After arriving at the most disgusting “hotel” ever and you think you will finally be able to sleep, your friend tells you that you have to get ready in 30 min to head to the market.
7. Stay in a hotel so disgusting that you rather hold it in than using the toilet, You rather not shower even though you had a long flight and been on a dirty market all day. When you sleep in your clothes because the bed looks like it will give you more than just sleep…
8. Spend a full day on the most busy, stressful, chaotic market of India, while feeling that a really bad cold and migraine is bursting out.
9. Spend one extra day on that market just in case you didn’t raise your stress level enough, you gotta work hard if you wanna reach that breakdown within 10 days.
10. So it’s about time to leave the most polluted city on earth, which by the way was great for your asthma, now you will have some extra trouble breathing for a few days and razor blades in your throat, this is just to add some extra fun to go with the now full blown cold you’ve got, with a really bad sinusitis.
11. Take a crazy 8 hour car drive to Rajasthan where you will stay in another hotel where you rather skip showering, don’t wanna touch the bed and the floor is freezing.
12. Make sure to stay sick during rest of the trip.
13. Try to get some work done with lousy, almost non existing Wifi. Good practice for your patience.
14. Loose a lot of money.
15. Go to Agra to see Taj Mahal and book a pretty luxery and expensive hotel to make sure you can finally shower and have 1 night of good sleep. Just to arrive to another horrible standard hotel with mold on the walls and ceiling, super rude staff who also try to force you to pay 20 % more than you booked it for and got confirmed on your mail.
16. Visit Taj Mahal along with 1 million Indian tourists that takes pictures of you even though you tell them not to. Add some constant staring from people around you and some more rude staff.
17. Go on even a crazier car ride to the airport after not sleeping since last night and staying up until 3 AM to arrive at 7 on the airport and get in an argument with the driver for not wanting to give tip when he drove like crazy and you are already paying too much.
18. Now it’s time to add some severe hunger, and you badly needs to go to the toilet since 3 hours and you just can’t wait to get on the plain and finally get some sleep and finally get home after this not so awesome trip.
At this point you should have reached some kind of mental breakdown that should enable you another 2 weeks vacation. Partly cause no supervisor in the world could argue that you need one, and of course, you will need that time to recover and to hide from all sort of human species for a certain time until you can function normally again. Although this might not have been the best trip of my life, I still gotta give India some cred for their amazing architechture, beautiful sceney and delicious food. And some people, especially in the small town Pushkar are super friendly and we also got a lot of work done and finished making the samples for our upcoming Body of Yours clothing brand. So after all, I guess the trip wasn’t that bad, minus the airport breakdown.
The beautiful holy lake in Pushkar.
Beautiful women of India.
Amazing sunsets every evening.
The majestic Taj Mahal in Agra.
Amazing sunrises as well.
Super happy with the samples and can’t wait to launch the first collection of my own brand, Body of Yours.